11:40p.m. Reality, the Future, and the Joys of Denial

… Or, an entry where I don’t talk about the web or a content management system.

Tomorrow I begin my last semester of college. I will be a college graduate in May. I have the most cliche problem in the world. I have no idea what to do with my life.

I am good at school. I am great at school. I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do after I’m done with school. So instead of thinking about it, I am engulfing myself in the web, my site, etc. I just cannot think about how I have no idea what I want to do after May. Or what my real options are. Or anything like that. Instead, I would be more than happy to make a website for you. So, maybe. Maybe thats what I’m supposed to do? Not pursue a career in Psychology? Not attempt to spend the next several years getting a PHD? I just don’t think I’m up for that. I may not even be capable of that. Perfect grades are very helpful while you’re in college, but I suspect they don’t mean anything the day you graduate. The one thing I’m actually good at is completely useless in life.

This is a new feeling. I have an incredible fear of failure. Failing what? The rest of my life. I’m afraid of failing at the rest of my life. So, instead of facing my fear, I will deny it. I will deny it and code. I will deny it, get good grades, and pretend that I have to go back in September.

Do you live in New York? Do you live in Boston? Do you need an employee who is intelligent, creative, naive, and member of a few national honor societies? I am available for a full-time employment in May. I am willing to move, ideally to an urban environment. Feel free to contact me.

Ah well, time for dinner. Next time I should have a few notes on working with Mephisto and Liquid Templates.